Supporting people worried about their behaviour

If you are worried about your behaviour towards a partner, ex-partner, or family member, it can feel hard to know where to turn, but help and support is available. Often the biggest challenge is being able to acknowledge that help is needed. If you are reading this page because you are worried about your behaviour, then you have taken an important first step. 

Recognising your behaviour as abusive can be hard. Remember that abusive behaviour isn’t just limited to physical violence. In fact, there doesn’t necessarily have to be any physical violence at all. Domestic abuse can be any combination of emotional, psychological, physical, sexual, and/or financial abuse. Here are just a few examples what this could look like: 

•    “When we argue I shout at them, I think they’re scared of me” 
•    “I turn up at my partner’s house uninvited and refuse to leave” 
•    “I don’t like her talking to other men. I make her show me the messages on her phone”  
•    “When he goes out with his friends, I get so jealous that I hit him” 
•    “I threatened to hurt myself if they leave me” 
•    “If she turns me down for sex, I get so angry that she eventually gives in” 
•    “I provoke her by using words I know will hurt.” 
•    “I hate the idea that other men look at her so I tell her what clothes she can wear” 
•    “I don’t like his college friends and I’m worried he is going to leave me, so I made him withdraw from the course”  
•    I hate it when she is rude about my family. Once, she made me so angry that I hit her.  
•    “It’s me that works while she stays at home looking after the children. I don’t let her have access to any more money than she needs.”  
•    “I break objects in front of my partner which scares them”

Accepting responsibility for your behaviour, regardless of what others are doing, is the first step towards things getting better for you and the people around you. Support is available to help you with this. 

The Respect Helpline is free from landlines and mobile phones within the UK. Your call will not appear on itemised bills. You can also call free from BT pay phones. Tel: 0808 8024040 – Mon–Fri 9am-8pm. Email and webchat also available.